Peer Conflict, Mean Behaviour and Bullying

The effect on the
child who is being
bullied is increased
fear, apprehension,
and distress. Often by
the time adults find
out about what is
happening, the child
has tried many ways
to stop the bullying
but cannot do so on
their own.

The “conflict
resolution” style of
bringing the children
together is not
recommended in
bullying situations,
until considerable
time has gone by and
all children are feeling
safe enough to talk
about what happened
so that relationships
can be healed.

When a child is having a problem with her or his peers, it can be hard for parents
to know what is really happening – is it bullying? Or is it something else? Each
type of behaviour, whether peer conflict, mean behaviour, or bullying must be
handled uniquely to keep children safe and to help them learn how to get along
with others.
Peer Conflict
Conflict between and among peers is a natural part of growing up. Children will
have times when they disagree and cannot solve their own problems. They may
even become so frustrated that they say mean things or act out physically by
hitting, kicking or trying to hurt.
If it is peer conflict you will be aware that these children:
 usually choose to play or hang out together;
 have equal power (similar age, size, social status, etc.);
 are equally upset;
 are both interested in the outcome; and
 will be able to work things out with adult help (after calming down).
In such situations, adults can respond by helping children talk it out, and to see
each other’s perspective. This is often referred to as ‘conflict resolution’.
Mean Behaviour
Children may try out behaviours to assert themselves – sometimes saying or
doing mean things – such as making fun of others, using a hurtful name, taking
something without permission, leaving a child out, or ‘budging’ in line.
If it is mean behavior, usually:
 it is not planned and seems to happen spontaneously or by chance;
 it may be aimed at any child nearby;
 the child being mean may feel badly when an adult points out the harm
they’ve caused.
When adults see mean behavior they should not ignore it. Adults should respond
quickly, firmly and respectfully to stop the behavior, to let kids know that their
actions are hurtful and to re-direct children to more positive behaviour.

Adults must address the
bullying behaviour and
ensure the safety of the
student who has been
targeted. They also need
to reassure the children
who may have witnessed
the behaviour that
adults are taking care of
it.

Quick responses can stop children from developing a pattern of mean
behaviour as their way of interacting with peers, and prevents mean behavior
from escalating into bullying. It is a lot easier to correct a child for one nasty
comment than to change a pattern of cruelty that grows over time.
Bullying Behaviour
Bullying is serious behavior that has three key features – all three must be
present for the situation to be considered bullying:



When schools respond
to bullying, staff will also
help the child who has
been bullying others to
take responsibility for
their actions, and change
their behavior. They will
monitor the situation to
ensure the bullying
stops, and will support
the child who has been
bullied to regain
confidence and a sense
of safety. Staff may
follow-up with the
students who observed
the behavior to help
them learn what to do
when they see bullying.

Centre for Public Safety and
Criminal Justice Research
33844 King Road
Abbotsford, BC
V2S 7M8
604 854-4553

http://cjr.ufv.ca



Power imbalance -- One child clearly has power over the other(s), which
may be due to age, size, social status, and so on.
Intention to harm -- The purpose of the bullying behaviour is to harm or
hurt other(s) – it’s intended to be mean and is clearly not accidental.
Repeated over time—bullying behaviour continues over time, and gets
worse with repetition. There is a real or implied threat that the behaviour
will not stop, and in fact will become even more serious.

If adults ignore bullying, children tend to view this as an endorsement of the
harmful behaviour which results in further alienation and distress for the
child who is being victimized. As social exclusion or other forms of social
bullying often go unnoticed, it is for children to feel connected to adults at
school so that they can be supported when difficulties arise.
Most of the content for this fact sheet has been created by the Vancouver School Board. The CSSC is grateful to
VSB for granting permission to enable wider distribution.